actually, I'm a sock model
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
