she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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