He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize