He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize