It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
