if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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