My balls are so social today.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
