I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
