I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
