PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
