Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
