There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
