VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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