3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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