and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
