i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize