Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
