guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
