I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
