She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
