so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
