im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
