margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
