DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
