i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Still dying that you shit outside
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
