Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
