apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
