:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
