SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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