it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This is the high leading the old right now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
