Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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