And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
