That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
