I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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