I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
