It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
