you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
