hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize