No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
