My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
