Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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