we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
