My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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