yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
