I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
