Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
