OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
