No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize