You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
