Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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