it wasn't lemon gatorade
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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