i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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