I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
