capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
