Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
