Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sorry about my life...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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