On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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