Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
