I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
