Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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