so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
