Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
