Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize