My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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