Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
