Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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