Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize