How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Randomize
