Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
