You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize