I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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