listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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