Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
