there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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