Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
