If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
